I Want to Go Home.

What was the last time I wanted to cry because I was afraid? Haha. I had cried so many times, because I was hurt, recalled something bad, anger, but fear? Nah I merely remember when was the last time I FEEL like crying for it.

I'm sorry. Sorry for not telling the truth. Sorry for everything.

I know what I did was wrong I'm sorry. 

I got to the station and try to get on the LRT to Hang Tua and I wanted to go home. The stupid Indian in front of me was like oh-God-DAMN he didn't even know how to take a LRT! So I wasted much time standing behind him waiting. I got my token and paid in less than 5 seconds how was that? Not really something to be proud of. I rushed to the train. I couldn't got on it. There were too many people. I was kept out from the LRT. Seeing so many people inside it, and the stupid LRT door closing up, I was so mad at the Malaysia's Fucking stupid LRT system. Why can't it take more passenger? Why can't it move faster? Why do I have to wait for so long until the next train arrives while looking at the train across stopped by 2 times? I was so scared. I wanted to make a call to my dad to tell him to wait for me longer. No one was there. Strangers? Yes, whole bunch of them. I couldn't even find a public phone. Stupid. I kept looking at the time. It ticked 6 p.m. and I thought GREAT My dad will surely be MAD and I probably WON'T be able to go home because he MIGHT left and NOT WAIT for me. The train finally got here on 6.15 p.m. I was still so scared until I almost came to tears on the train. But I didn't. Not this time I thought. There's nothing to be cried. No one pities you. As soon as I got to the stop I rushed back to school. I ran all the way through the crowd, the stupid FAT woman blocking my path, dashed through cars, roads, Fucking stupid people who talks on phone and walk ENORMOUSLY s l o w . Yes I was so tired. I trained the whole morning today. My leg was extremely, mega, hyper, ultra, whatever-a EXHAUSTED. I ran out of water I didn't drink for quite some time. My eyelids were heavy I was sleepy. My brain was full of shits bad things that could happen. And yes I saw my dad's car and I ran as fast as possible to it. I was relieved he was still there. But dad wasn't in the car. My first thought was like WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE ARE YOU DAD? And I had gone mad looking for someone I could borrow a phone. Luckily I met a friend and I borrowed his mom's phone. My dad was out looking for me. He was worried. I still hadn't catch my breath and I was like oh God can I not cry while I talked to my dad. I managed to push down the knot on my throat. But I really wanted crying. I wanted to ignore everything everyone around and just burst out crying I want to tell that how much I wanted to go home how much I was freaked out just thinking that I couldn't get home. I'm sorry. Dad didn't scold me. He just warned me like there won't be a second time. 

Yes yes no more out-going no more having movies with friends when I can't manage how to get home no more fooling around when I need to ask someone to fetch me YES WHATEVER I PROMISE YOU! I PROMISE I won't do any of these anymore. I promise! Just please never let me out there alone again. Never throw me out of home. Please don't not fetch me back home. Please! I beg! 

I just want to be home. I'm happy enough with home even I really want to go out I want to hang out with friends. But I just want to come home after that, after all fun. I want to come home.

A New Story.

A new day a new story, that's what we've been going through everyday.


Ah who doesn't want a good day, a good story, or even good life? But people just don't get what they want when they had even tried so hard.


Yes I tried to be nice, tried to be thoughtful, tried to be considerate, tried to do so much things. Yet I still don't know how she thinks now. 


Okay so I started counting the guitar's string, fret by fret. She still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't .... there's goes the 6th string. And now the 5th string..... And the 4th string.... The 3rd... 2nd.... And the 1st string... Oh no she doesn't love me anymore! 


Ah how stupid... girls ain't guitar, they don't think the same as guitar. (IF guitars have brains, that is.) 
Yup and I know I never let go of her, I still fucking love her so much. And today I felt like holding her hands and not letting go. I want to hold her forever.


And there's another story, about me.


Right I admit I loved volleyball last year. No no there's nothing to do about jealousy in this not a tiny bit. I just miss that time. I had friends who played volleyball, who at least liked volleyball, who would want to play volleyball with me.


So now I plead. I want to play volleyball again.
And I plead. I want to have friends who play volleyball too.
And I plead. I want to have friends who love to play volleyball.
And I plead more. I want my friends who love to play volleyball play with me.
And I plead even more. I want to play in the volleyball match with my friends who love volleyball in the school next year.
And please. I want to play with my friends who love playing volleyball and we play together in the volleyball competition and we get prizes in the competition even bronze is enough.
Yes I plead. Plead so much.






And please let this all happen. In return I'll be a good boy, to whoever or whatever that could help realize my wishes.

Stupid Feeling.

She got into the volleyball team. Yup she is happy. So happy.


Alright here's what happening inside me. Sure I am happy too because you achieved your dream. You've always wanted to get into the team, and now you have. 


Okay FINE, I'm so not happy. Know what? I actually felt stupid when I congratulate her when I knew she got into the volleyball team. And yes I am SO SELFISH. I only think about myself. I know, clearly than anyone else, if she is in the team she won't have any time to spend with me. NOT A SINGLE DAY. Yes I only want her to be like before, so she would have more free time. So I will be able to ask her out. So I will be able to spend more time with her. So I can TIE HER TO ME SO NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE HER AWAY.




I AM A FUCKING MORONE.

Best Days in My Life.

"However it turns out to be, let's just smile and be happy." A tiny voice in me told me this after the shaty exam. Yup it's over. Hooray !


Hmm... This was a kinda belated-post, but whatever I just want to write XD


Yesterday was one of the best days in my life, because I'd hang out with the girl I love ;D Everything seemed so beautiful and magical, I just love the date, or maybe better called a hang-out ;P


So here's how it started and all the inside part of it :


The day before I asked her whether she would like to hang out with me, like go for a movie or lunch or something. She said she would have to consider my invitation because she was fully booked. Haha she's cute how would people not want to hang out with her?  But of course finally she decided to go out with me ;P win. So early in the morning on the day I was a little busy thinking of what to wear so I wouldn't look so... messy? then I remembered she liked one of my T-shirt so I'd throw that into my bag and pick a pair of shorts and jeans. Not sure what to wear.


So morning that day I went to look for her, she was figuring out the maths like trying to figure out some super hard questions. Nah I helped her a bit and taught her. Was kinda fun teaching ;P


I took out the gift I wanted to give her long -- the album < Goodbye Lullaby > by Avril Lavigne :D 
Awww... should take a picture of her when she got the gift. The smile on her face was like angel, breathtaking. Sigh.


She was worried about me, which makes me kinda happy haha. Since her exam ends 4 hours earlier than mine, I asked her to go back and take some rest first, I know she was so tired after the exam. Staying up late at night, frustrated when she have to handle something else and she needed to study. She'd been so busy, so I wanted her to relax and be happy ;)


After I finished my exam I rushed to her because the teacher was so sloooooooooooooooooow like a snail. She collected the papers one by one yet she still needed to count them. What logic is that? Great I had lesser time to spend with her. However meeting her was good. She was pretty ;) But she kept saying she wasn't. Hmph how dare she disagree with my taste ;P  Then we walked to the monorail station and took a ride to Pavilion. Bumped into some friends there, wasn't that bad I guess. After all they aren't those b with itches who spread whatever they see to the whole world. She was hot and sweating. Sorry I didn't had tissue with me. We reached Bukit Bintang and still had to cross a few roads to get to Pavilion. She kept scolding that I didn't know how to cross the road and I just kept smiling ;P She's just caring for me I should appreciate that haha, and I do.


She rushed me to change my clothes so I changed as fast as possible. Peace-patterned T-shirt, jeans-shorts, new Converse shoe, cool hair if i do say so myself, I'm awesome for a 16-year-old teen ;P I think she liked how I wore too, I think. Haha she just wouldn't say I'm handsome or something. I don't really like guessing but I guess deep inside her was sooooo liking me. GUESS.


Since she wanted to watch a movie I brought her up to the cinema. Sadly we weren't able to watch any movie. The movie she yearned to watch, "Dark Shadows" was X-rated. We couldn't buy tickets to get in. And I didn't think she'd be happy with this. Yup she was unhappy, kinda disappointed. Furthermore she kept complaining the cinemas in Malaysia. Haha but still she was cute even when she was complaining and angry of the cinema. Then she felt hungry. Hahaha always hungry ;P Nothing much to eat, so we went to JC. Donuts to eat donuts. She was so darn cute too when she saw the donut she wanted. Stupid she she wanted to pay for it when I'd already said I'll pay. There any more cuter girl than her? sigh.


After that we swung around in the shopping mall. She brought me to a shop named Typo which was a stationer. She saw something she wanted and I offered to buy them for her. She kept rejected it. Haha how cute is it to reject someone's offer to buy you a thing you really like. Then we walked out empty handed and did the same at a few more stores. Hahahaha blacklisted ;P


Later, I brought her to the book store which name I've forgotten haha. She was so happy seeing so many books and some she wanted to buy. I said I would buy for her but she rejected, too. I kept teasing her and she just smiled or sometimes ignored me xP Then we saw some cute things, some amazing 3D-card, and we'd walk out of the book store. I suggested we go to Starbucks and we went. She ordered Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino and I had Mocha Praline Frappuccino. She said she wanted to drink some of mine and I was happy of this haha. We exchanged our drink a few times and I let her drink most of them. I know she liked them. There's a small story where my drink was actually sipped by another friend but... Uh well think I'll skip that ;)


We found a spot and rested for awhile and she told  me she had to go. So I walked her to Time Square where her father was picking her up. We still had some time so we walked around. Then what I think was the best part of this whole hang-out was that she KISSED me.

She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. 

I was melting that time. I don't know how to really react to that kiss. I just, couldn't believe it when after all we'd broke up for so long. Then the next second I felt like hugging her tightly, calling her name, and kissing her. I didn't. The kiss blew my mind out. I'd even asked her out again, like... be my date or something. She just smiled and didn't want to answer. I just smiled and continued to walk her to the front door. But I know, deep inside me was a little hurt.


I had waited with her for her dad to come pick her up. I hugged her, she still wasn't willing to hug me until now haha. Or she had her reason. Then I waved her goodbye and I walked away. I swear I saw her kiss-goodbye me. Or was it just an illusion. But I know she would miss me the moment I turned away, because i did the same.


I smiled the way home. I was really happy and joyed. Really happy. I only know, I won't have much days like this. It was wonderful I hardly ever imagined we could still be like this. And then I know, whatever will change, my heart will still be with her. That I loved her so much I thought of going back to Pavilion one day alone and go buy the things she said she wanted and gift them to her. 


But I love her. That's the fact. And no matter what I'll still do. 


Hmm so the hang-out went like this and pictures of it just keep running'round my mind, hahaha. Yeah definitely one of the best days in my life. God bless her to be happy always. 

Drunk drunk drunk

Had I little alcohol and I'm a little drunk. 


 Don't know what's wrong with me today, the swell in my stomach hasn't gone away till now. Doesn't seems like it's getting away later neither. Of course there was this time where I feel good. When I chatted with her via SMS. She is cute, very cute. She is always cute no matter when it is. 


But I know, what I really hope for is her to beside me, comfort me. I know I'm a little selfish but, haha forgive me God. 


 Dad and mom had some argument, guess that's the main reason why I feel so not well. Other reasons? Hmm... Frustration from exam, from where my music came to a jam. Ugh headache headache headache. 


 Soon Ee Jun if you were here... I would tell you I really need you, I really want you, I really miss you and I really love you. 






If happy ever after did exist, I wish to be holding you in this.


 Drunk drunk drunk drink drank drunk drunk hahaha I'm so stupid ;P