Nothing

Should write shouldn't I?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'm just so sick. There's coughing non-stop, even blood is coughed out sometimes, I can hardly breath sometimes, tinnitus ( I hope it's just small case to deal with I wouldn't want it to be tumor), headache and don't know what more is coming up. Fuck I'm just 16. Whatever. And hey dad and mom? It's my body, I know it better than anyone else. I'm seriously okay, I'll ask you to bring me to a doctor when I need it, thanks.

So it started again. Yea that's okay I foresighted that. I swore didn't I? If it happens again I will never safe anything anymore. I won't safe this relationship anymore, I won't safe you anymore, I won't safe myself anymore. It will end. As you wanted, that it makes us better. Well that's fine with me.

Okay I've got nothing to do. I can only keep listening to music to wash my brain. It is really painful, and it hurts. I never wanted anything to be like this. But okay since I started it guess I was the faulty. Sorry.

Damn just why do these ants won't stop appearing on my table? I'd killed like thousands of them. Now Go Away before I... do nothing.

Indeed I'd lost sleep. I haven't been resting since last night. Not a sleep, nap or anything. My body is just so exhausted but I just can't fall asleep. I was so hungry but I just can't eat anything. What's this sickness called again?... Forget it.

Yea. I won't look back for now. Not with any emotion. No anger, no sadness, no nothing. Suddenly I feel like going to just any concert, and shout out, scream! Yell! Do whatever! Hit any person I don't like seeing! Just saying. Maybe I'll do those in my dream, or some.

My soul slides away.

I never had my soul from the moment you left me and I never got it back. Who cares. I'm always alone. Was then, will then.


We fought again, because I thought you didn't keep our promise and went to watch the movie.

The Possession. While I'm writing this post she should be watching it. Hell Yeah. You know what? The thing I care the most is, it isn't the first time you watch it with me. You would say the point is the person you watch the movie is. Fine that is one, but still, it won't be the first time we both watch the movie together. Be it your parents friends whoever. I know I shouldn't take this so big but I just didn't like the feeling.

When a heart breaks no it don't break even.

I can feel it so true now. Yea it really isn't even. One still loves while the other one's leaving. Is it really like this? I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking know, as you don't even want to talk. But I guess that's fine. I made you like that. What more is to be said?

I was in her class. We were arguing fighting. I really couldn't hold any longer. I really hate when she just keep looking away and didn't answer when I call her. I really really hate that eventho I know what I did was really irritating and disturbing and only making her hate me more. Yea that's why I think I'm trying to do something and she's avoiding and she thinks that I'm doing nonsense and useless thing and we don't ever talk or see again is the best way to keep us from fighting again. See? It's not even. And I was so angry, that I at last still can't hold myself and punched hard on her table. She finally looked at me. What was that? Like, "Dafuq did you just hit my table?" or "What is wrong with you?" I don't get that sight. I don't know what that was supposed to mean. Or did she wanted to show what? I just don't know I just don't know fuck me I just don't know anything. She doesn't want me to know anything. Okay thats awfully fine it's her freedom her choice. I can do nothing about it. Then I got back to my class. Rather, walking while crying back to my class. I still held the tears in my eyes, they didn't fell off until I reached my seat and sat down. I felt really helpless. I cried. Every part of my body is trembling. I cried, don't know for how long, and I felt asleep. I've hurt myself too much, I guess. My head was hurt, my hands, legs, my body. Mind blown, heart broke down, shattered everywhere. No matter how hard I try, it can't be sticked together again. Guess that's the consequence I get for doing all those things. It's okay I can bear it. Maybe not now, but one day. Maybe that "one day" is way so far from now, maybe it'll never come, maybe it just arrive the next day I wake up in the morning.

I don't know anymore. I can't think properly. That punch on the table would have ended all. I knew it. Yet I'd done it. But that was all I had. All the anger, all my unhappiness, all my depression. That's all. I didn't want to hit her or anything. But if she would think like that, like I said it's hers to choose. Would she see how sad I was? Or would she just see that I'm immature to have done that? I never get to know.

Fine. That should be all of it. It's weird I felt better after writing all these.

So I think I'll receive the same thing again. I will not safe it. Please promise myself. Please. I can do no more but give what she wants. I'm no longer who. I wasn't who in precise. Let her be, she wants freedom? Give her. She wants to leave you? Let her. May it hurt you how much, you have to. Because you aren't anyone anymore. You just weren't anyone.




Craps I'm coughing again. Hopefully it's just normal sick.