From Waltz Disney's "Mickey's Once Upon A Christmas" : "Christmas isn't about candy canes, holly, or lights all aglow. It's about the hearts that we touch and the care that we show."
Merry Christmas Eve everyone :)
So I guess I can't change anything, I still have to follow my family to Hatyai for Christmas. Which, a special day I more likely want to celebrate with that someone.
Sigh.. So like I said, my parents aren't Christians. Indeed my whole family isn't, including me. But I want to, some part of me tell me I want to be one. It's just that I can't get pass my parents. But she did said as long as I have faith..
Ah anyway, it's not the first time they're doing this. Indeed it's not the first time I write blog like this too LOL. It's not that I have anything to complain about. When we're there they bought me clothes, gifts, and brought me to eat Thailand's delicious food. But just imagine, 5 years in a roll. While others might be envious because I get to go travel every year, I felt bored. Seriously bored. I don't wanna go there every year. And especially every Christmas. Why don't I get to spend Christmas with people I like? Like my friends, my loved one and others. Why do I have to, am forced to, spend it with you guys? You don't celebrate it anyway! You just go there, do some shopping, eat out, and do nothing about Christmas. Hey even our Muslims friends celebrate Christmas, why not us? Why can't us? Why do you guys have to be so... old-fashion minded?
Sigh.. It's Silent Night tonight, guess it should be peaceful. So I won't be angry :)
And there's some words for you my love. If you see this.
I know it's hard, like you said. It's better I don't be in your life, than having us suffer like this. I'm sorry, for not being able to be with you every time it's Christmas, even though I myself want to be with you really much. Maybe not the Christmas before, nor this time. But I promise you, there'll be Christmas we spend together. Or maybe Christmas"s" ;) Just, not now... When I still don't have a transport that is... ;P I promise you really. We'll get to hang along at Christmas, sometime later. And I love you :) Merry christmas eve, and Merry Christmas in advance. <3 p="p">
Monday, December 24, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
No I don't know that title to put D: Recent.. Happenings?
huh.. been while i haven't touched my blog. I'm gonna write something bout what happened lately so, won't be much. :)
Okay well first, studying during holiday. Since it's what I promised myself, I'd tried hard to accomplished that, and so I did. nevertheless it wasn't an easy road, facing the subject which I'm worst at, alone, Chemistry? Yeah I hope I can catch up with everything I should already be able to next year, and not to fail the teacher and myself again. Other than that, Physics and Add Maths are the ones I focus secondly, which I found them not as hard as chemistry. Hope I do well in these subjects too. And thinking of facing the stupid SPM next year ( oh why couldn't we get a break ) , the things I dislike, one of'em, is that we have to face multiple examination. Our UEC syllabus, and SPM together? and besides SPM we still gotta take out final exams? Imagine that day coming, gives me a pain in the stomach. But I'll be prepared. I won't chicken out at that time. I'm gonna proof myself, to... to myself! :)
Before the holiday I've been complained by the girl, saying that I'm too thin, and.. "meatless".. or not complain, just saying. hahaha! So I manage to ask my mom to get myself some, weight gaining drinks. It's powder actually, and I have to make this drink everyday. I did asked my mom to buy the vanilla flavor ones, but she'd forgotten and bought me chocolate flavor. I guess that works too. I shouldn't be so picky. So I kept constant taking the powder mixture, and I thought my chest was growing... I mean, not like girls-chest-growing. I'm a guy and I don't have boobs. Just, it wasn't as flat as how it used to be.... Geez it gets more weirder. Fine, I'll.. skip that. And I think my work out did had some affect on my muscles, tho I really hope my arms grow fatter... they're still as thin as usual, an muscles don't look good on arms THAT thin. Well there's still plenty of time until school reopens so, I sure as hell hope I'm not that skinny until then. ;) Bless me eh?
I actually finished two novels until now, which... is quite slow. I could've read more, but I still put my study at first, and I read novel at night, or when I'm free. Since my computer has got problem, it overheats every time I run a few programs together. Even watching videos. @@ I was forced to set my air-conditioner's temperature to 20'C so that the cold stops the CPU from overheating, which I get myself freezing every time. But as long as I want to use my computer I have to do that. So I'd decided not to use my computer, only when the one girl is there to talk to. ;D
Traveling, vacations? Hmm.. Not for me I say. Don't know, I think my parents are planning one. But I'm not sure. Before that they did asked me to follow a friend of mine from Sabah, Sylvester Chin is his name, to go to Australia. I was like, What? You guys serious?! and they said yes so I'd rush to go online to look for him and ask when he's leaving and details and stuff. And then realization hit me, that it'd be awkward to go travel, me alone, and his family(not that it really matters who am I with, as long as I tag along with a friend I trust). Plus, there's a class during the trip to Australia. So I gave up, feeling upset. Then I thought my parents gave me another hope, to go to Singapore and Lego Land! ( Well legoland wasn't the reason I got hyped up) They got a offer from the oil company, there's a package to go to legoland, and we'll stop by Singapore first, maybe we'd be able to visit Universal Studio too! and then after that we turn back to go to the Lego Land at Johor. Tho I wished so damn hard for this vacation to be on, yet I was disappointed. Like, again. Ah never mind. Maybe after all, my destiny is not meant for me to go anywhere this holiday. The next thing they're planning, I won't give a damn. Wether it's on or not. On, I'll go, take a break from my boring holiday life. Not on, no big deal. But there's a camp at school around the corner, on 17th to 19th. Hope I get to have fun there. :)
Oh and the thing I'd like to talk about the most, is about the girl. I hardly get her out of my mind since holiday started. I missed her so much. ( "Hey I miss you, get me?" ) Yea Joyce Soon Ee Jun. sigh. Some times I was thinking if I don't really, you know, supposed to be behaving like this. I know I'm not your boyfriend now. I WAS. But some times some occasion, I just feel like, you'll need me. Don't know if I'm over reacting. I sure hope you really need me... like i need you. Okay I bought a gift for her and I hadn't had chance to gift it to her. In fact I didn't really had much chance to even talk with her. Twitter, Facebook or anything. But she became free recently, and I cherished every moment with her,(at least I think I do that---or not) but as I'd just get my phone back, so I think texting her won't be hard as before now.;) And God if she doesn't get prettier and more beautiful and cuter days passed. Look at her photos, twitcons, or whatever. She just looks... so beautiful. She's so grown up and. Well I kept a few photos of her in the Juniors year and I compared them. Geez. And I think I actually isn't growing at all! =[]= Hahaha never mind. One may looked child-ish, may even have a child-ish and playful heart, but as long his brain is mature enough, it gets women or girls impressed. So as I worked on my body, I worked on my brain too, in hope it's able to impress her. :) And for not being immature anymore, that kinda brought a lot of problems into my life... And in hope one day, she'll be able to accept a new me, except I'll still be me, just.. something more than before:)
And I think, even if I said it always, I still had to make a confession.. haha
Hey Joyce Soon, I know it's hard, but trust me, as I trust you. And with all sincerity, I love you from my heart. That's a fact that will never change. So don't even bother if one day I'll change my heart to love somebody else. It did happened once. I mean... not on you. I'm sorry it left a bad impression of me to you. And I swear there won't be any other time. Crossed my heart. I'll work on everything that I'd done to upset you, or you dislike, and it'll be done. I love you Soon Ee Jun.
Guess that's all for this one :) I hope I can write more, as I really wanted to... But I'm feeling kinda lazy and I'm tired.. xP hahahaha! I'll write again, sooner or later. See ya! ;)
Okay well first, studying during holiday. Since it's what I promised myself, I'd tried hard to accomplished that, and so I did. nevertheless it wasn't an easy road, facing the subject which I'm worst at, alone, Chemistry? Yeah I hope I can catch up with everything I should already be able to next year, and not to fail the teacher and myself again. Other than that, Physics and Add Maths are the ones I focus secondly, which I found them not as hard as chemistry. Hope I do well in these subjects too. And thinking of facing the stupid SPM next year ( oh why couldn't we get a break ) , the things I dislike, one of'em, is that we have to face multiple examination. Our UEC syllabus, and SPM together? and besides SPM we still gotta take out final exams? Imagine that day coming, gives me a pain in the stomach. But I'll be prepared. I won't chicken out at that time. I'm gonna proof myself, to... to myself! :)
Before the holiday I've been complained by the girl, saying that I'm too thin, and.. "meatless".. or not complain, just saying. hahaha! So I manage to ask my mom to get myself some, weight gaining drinks. It's powder actually, and I have to make this drink everyday. I did asked my mom to buy the vanilla flavor ones, but she'd forgotten and bought me chocolate flavor. I guess that works too. I shouldn't be so picky. So I kept constant taking the powder mixture, and I thought my chest was growing... I mean, not like girls-chest-growing. I'm a guy and I don't have boobs. Just, it wasn't as flat as how it used to be.... Geez it gets more weirder. Fine, I'll.. skip that. And I think my work out did had some affect on my muscles, tho I really hope my arms grow fatter... they're still as thin as usual, an muscles don't look good on arms THAT thin. Well there's still plenty of time until school reopens so, I sure as hell hope I'm not that skinny until then. ;) Bless me eh?
I actually finished two novels until now, which... is quite slow. I could've read more, but I still put my study at first, and I read novel at night, or when I'm free. Since my computer has got problem, it overheats every time I run a few programs together. Even watching videos. @@ I was forced to set my air-conditioner's temperature to 20'C so that the cold stops the CPU from overheating, which I get myself freezing every time. But as long as I want to use my computer I have to do that. So I'd decided not to use my computer, only when the one girl is there to talk to. ;D
Traveling, vacations? Hmm.. Not for me I say. Don't know, I think my parents are planning one. But I'm not sure. Before that they did asked me to follow a friend of mine from Sabah, Sylvester Chin is his name, to go to Australia. I was like, What? You guys serious?! and they said yes so I'd rush to go online to look for him and ask when he's leaving and details and stuff. And then realization hit me, that it'd be awkward to go travel, me alone, and his family(not that it really matters who am I with, as long as I tag along with a friend I trust). Plus, there's a class during the trip to Australia. So I gave up, feeling upset. Then I thought my parents gave me another hope, to go to Singapore and Lego Land! ( Well legoland wasn't the reason I got hyped up) They got a offer from the oil company, there's a package to go to legoland, and we'll stop by Singapore first, maybe we'd be able to visit Universal Studio too! and then after that we turn back to go to the Lego Land at Johor. Tho I wished so damn hard for this vacation to be on, yet I was disappointed. Like, again. Ah never mind. Maybe after all, my destiny is not meant for me to go anywhere this holiday. The next thing they're planning, I won't give a damn. Wether it's on or not. On, I'll go, take a break from my boring holiday life. Not on, no big deal. But there's a camp at school around the corner, on 17th to 19th. Hope I get to have fun there. :)
Oh and the thing I'd like to talk about the most, is about the girl. I hardly get her out of my mind since holiday started. I missed her so much. ( "Hey I miss you, get me?" ) Yea Joyce Soon Ee Jun. sigh. Some times I was thinking if I don't really, you know, supposed to be behaving like this. I know I'm not your boyfriend now. I WAS. But some times some occasion, I just feel like, you'll need me. Don't know if I'm over reacting. I sure hope you really need me... like i need you. Okay I bought a gift for her and I hadn't had chance to gift it to her. In fact I didn't really had much chance to even talk with her. Twitter, Facebook or anything. But she became free recently, and I cherished every moment with her,(at least I think I do that---or not) but as I'd just get my phone back, so I think texting her won't be hard as before now.;) And God if she doesn't get prettier and more beautiful and cuter days passed. Look at her photos, twitcons, or whatever. She just looks... so beautiful. She's so grown up and. Well I kept a few photos of her in the Juniors year and I compared them. Geez. And I think I actually isn't growing at all! =[]= Hahaha never mind. One may looked child-ish, may even have a child-ish and playful heart, but as long his brain is mature enough, it gets women or girls impressed. So as I worked on my body, I worked on my brain too, in hope it's able to impress her. :) And for not being immature anymore, that kinda brought a lot of problems into my life... And in hope one day, she'll be able to accept a new me, except I'll still be me, just.. something more than before:)
And I think, even if I said it always, I still had to make a confession.. haha
Hey Joyce Soon, I know it's hard, but trust me, as I trust you. And with all sincerity, I love you from my heart. That's a fact that will never change. So don't even bother if one day I'll change my heart to love somebody else. It did happened once. I mean... not on you. I'm sorry it left a bad impression of me to you. And I swear there won't be any other time. Crossed my heart. I'll work on everything that I'd done to upset you, or you dislike, and it'll be done. I love you Soon Ee Jun.
Guess that's all for this one :) I hope I can write more, as I really wanted to... But I'm feeling kinda lazy and I'm tired.. xP hahahaha! I'll write again, sooner or later. See ya! ;)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
There's always a good day!
So I think I should blog too haha :D
Whoa it's always a good time!
Okay so I was super hyped today!! Hung out whole day with her is something I really never imagined that could happen ;) We met up early at 9.35a.m something and went to Pavilion until 3.50p.m... It should be 4.00p.m but, ah never mind :)
I get a few surprises today. Not too big ones but yeah, enough to surprise me. First of all my parents allowed me to go out... But nah, that wasn't really surprising because I like, predicted they would, hahaha. Second surprise was a little big, I brought a wrong pair of jeans o.o'' I chose a pair of jeans and I thought I put in on top of the others, then I was searching for another clothes and I accidently swap it with another pair, plus, I was too happy that I didn't check if it's the jeans I wanted and packed it into my bag. Ended up me buying another pair of Giordano jeans, which costed me MYR98, it's the lowest price jeans I can find at Pavilion... Then seeing her came out after changing into those outfits was really... Ah she's beautiful :D Seriously she really is pretty, and a little mixture of cuteness, chubbiness, shyness, lovely and some other, substances that made me fell deeply in love with her. A Tee with some... ancient, kind of patterns, and mini jeans ( sexy.. ) She first wore a pair of long, tight black pants but for some reason she changed it. Hmm and I wonder why :P
Later on we went to a movie as we planned, "The House at The End of The Street". It was actually, a little bored, other than the scaring-people-plots every scary movie uses, like a sudden pop out from nowhere, BGM crescendo, and stuffs. But WOW. Just... WOW .O.
That's the other BIG surprise for me. Hehe and I really loved that part.;)
She held my hand and rested her head on my shoulder. Doing that without saying anything, I was shocked, but I didn't care to move. It felt good and warm knowing that she wanted to do things like this with me. So I just sat there and let her did whatever she likes, and for a moment there I thought I sensed her smiling... She had sweet scent, I could smell her just by lowering my head. Then she did something that I hadn't asked for. She suddenly raised her head and kissed me on the cheek.
Oh. Uh... What? Ah yes I was blogging. Hahaha I paused so long just remembering that moment. ;) And we kissed a little and touched a little and... Hey that was too much! I'll keep that part for myself! #Mwahaha
And oh stupid, why you keep say my body no good?! I'm just a little skinny :P But alright fine, only once. For you, I will keep on eating and training until my body is built up just the way you like, muscles, chest, abs, whatever :) Only for you.
Okie I think that's all for this time :) Gonna listen to you and sleep earlier. Aww I miss you ;O
Anyway, you still tasted good ;P Hahahaha. I love you so much. Stay pretty and happy always :)
Well, there's always still gonna be a good day in the future, eh? ;)
Whoa it's always a good time!
Okay so I was super hyped today!! Hung out whole day with her is something I really never imagined that could happen ;) We met up early at 9.35a.m something and went to Pavilion until 3.50p.m... It should be 4.00p.m but, ah never mind :)
I get a few surprises today. Not too big ones but yeah, enough to surprise me. First of all my parents allowed me to go out... But nah, that wasn't really surprising because I like, predicted they would, hahaha. Second surprise was a little big, I brought a wrong pair of jeans o.o'' I chose a pair of jeans and I thought I put in on top of the others, then I was searching for another clothes and I accidently swap it with another pair, plus, I was too happy that I didn't check if it's the jeans I wanted and packed it into my bag. Ended up me buying another pair of Giordano jeans, which costed me MYR98, it's the lowest price jeans I can find at Pavilion... Then seeing her came out after changing into those outfits was really... Ah she's beautiful :D Seriously she really is pretty, and a little mixture of cuteness, chubbiness, shyness, lovely and some other, substances that made me fell deeply in love with her. A Tee with some... ancient, kind of patterns, and mini jeans ( sexy.. ) She first wore a pair of long, tight black pants but for some reason she changed it. Hmm and I wonder why :P
Later on we went to a movie as we planned, "The House at The End of The Street". It was actually, a little bored, other than the scaring-people-plots every scary movie uses, like a sudden pop out from nowhere, BGM crescendo, and stuffs. But WOW. Just... WOW .O.
That's the other BIG surprise for me. Hehe and I really loved that part.;)
She held my hand and rested her head on my shoulder. Doing that without saying anything, I was shocked, but I didn't care to move. It felt good and warm knowing that she wanted to do things like this with me. So I just sat there and let her did whatever she likes, and for a moment there I thought I sensed her smiling... She had sweet scent, I could smell her just by lowering my head. Then she did something that I hadn't asked for. She suddenly raised her head and kissed me on the cheek.
Oh. Uh... What? Ah yes I was blogging. Hahaha I paused so long just remembering that moment. ;) And we kissed a little and touched a little and... Hey that was too much! I'll keep that part for myself! #Mwahaha
And oh stupid, why you keep say my body no good?! I'm just a little skinny :P But alright fine, only once. For you, I will keep on eating and training until my body is built up just the way you like, muscles, chest, abs, whatever :) Only for you.
Okie I think that's all for this time :) Gonna listen to you and sleep earlier. Aww I miss you ;O
Anyway, you still tasted good ;P Hahahaha. I love you so much. Stay pretty and happy always :)
Well, there's always still gonna be a good day in the future, eh? ;)
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sigh
Finally got home. Sigh, I'm so exhausted. I've got no mood to go out why can't you guys just realize me?
I missed her. I seriously do. I didn't know where it came from, but I just tweeted to her. Gosh is it stupid to have done that?
Damn I know. No matter how I force myself, no matter what I say or do, I am so damn scared to know if you really are leaving me, forgetting me, and starting a new life without me, like I'm just a pass-by-er. I'm really scared, that this would happen. Maybe I'm just too weak not even qualified to be called as a man.
UGH. I feel so dizzy. I am so lost now. My eyes are a little swell and red this morning I woke up. I just told my parents I rubbed my eyes because they were really itchy. Truth is -- I've been letting my tears out whole night. I can merely control myself I just want to let everything out. Every time I think of us breaking up, fighting, the swell starts to form in my throat. Hell yea. I shouldn't be crying. I shouldn't even cry, but I just cried so damn easily. Maybe the Heart is really fragile. Maybe I am just hurt too much. I don't know.
What do I do without you? What do I what do I do? Come on. What do I do without you? What do I do?
Yea, teach me, anyone, what do I do now?
You know I didn't mean what I just said, but my God woke up on the wrong side of his bed, and it just don't matter now...
No I just want you. But you'll not know this.
I missed her. I seriously do. I didn't know where it came from, but I just tweeted to her. Gosh is it stupid to have done that?
Damn I know. No matter how I force myself, no matter what I say or do, I am so damn scared to know if you really are leaving me, forgetting me, and starting a new life without me, like I'm just a pass-by-er. I'm really scared, that this would happen. Maybe I'm just too weak not even qualified to be called as a man.
UGH. I feel so dizzy. I am so lost now. My eyes are a little swell and red this morning I woke up. I just told my parents I rubbed my eyes because they were really itchy. Truth is -- I've been letting my tears out whole night. I can merely control myself I just want to let everything out. Every time I think of us breaking up, fighting, the swell starts to form in my throat. Hell yea. I shouldn't be crying. I shouldn't even cry, but I just cried so damn easily. Maybe the Heart is really fragile. Maybe I am just hurt too much. I don't know.
What do I do without you? What do I what do I do? Come on. What do I do without you? What do I do?
Yea, teach me, anyone, what do I do now?
No I just want you. But you'll not know this.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
我...你
我依然会爱你，我会一直等你。
给你自由让你飞，是我现在能做的最后的事。或许也是最好的。
但是当你飞到累了，需要个地方歇歇，我几时都等着你。
我的心一直打开着等你。
这就是，我最后能够向你表达的我对你的爱了。
孙奕珺... 嗯没有啦，我没有资格说什么吧？
真希望我能够睡得着，真希望这两天了，我能够好好休息一下。真希望我睡着后，永远也不用起来了...
给你自由让你飞，是我现在能做的最后的事。或许也是最好的。
但是当你飞到累了，需要个地方歇歇，我几时都等着你。
我的心一直打开着等你。
这就是，我最后能够向你表达的我对你的爱了。
孙奕珺... 嗯没有啦，我没有资格说什么吧？
真希望我能够睡得着，真希望这两天了，我能够好好休息一下。真希望我睡着后，永远也不用起来了...
Nothing
Should write shouldn't I?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'm just so sick. There's coughing non-stop, even blood is coughed out sometimes, I can hardly breath sometimes, tinnitus ( I hope it's just small case to deal with I wouldn't want it to be tumor), headache and don't know what more is coming up. Fuck I'm just 16. Whatever. And hey dad and mom? It's my body, I know it better than anyone else. I'm seriously okay, I'll ask you to bring me to a doctor when I need it, thanks.
So it started again. Yea that's okay I foresighted that. I swore didn't I? If it happens again I will never safe anything anymore. I won't safe this relationship anymore, I won't safe you anymore, I won't safe myself anymore. It will end. As you wanted, that it makes us better. Well that's fine with me.
Okay I've got nothing to do. I can only keep listening to music to wash my brain. It is really painful, and it hurts. I never wanted anything to be like this. But okay since I started it guess I was the faulty. Sorry.
Damn just why do these ants won't stop appearing on my table? I'd killed like thousands of them. Now Go Away before I... do nothing.
Indeed I'd lost sleep. I haven't been resting since last night. Not a sleep, nap or anything. My body is just so exhausted but I just can't fall asleep. I was so hungry but I just can't eat anything. What's this sickness called again?... Forget it.
Yea. I won't look back for now. Not with any emotion. No anger, no sadness, no nothing. Suddenly I feel like going to just any concert, and shout out, scream! Yell! Do whatever! Hit any person I don't like seeing! Just saying. Maybe I'll do those in my dream, or some.
My soul slides away.
I never had my soul from the moment you left me and I never got it back. Who cares. I'm always alone. Was then, will then.
We fought again, because I thought you didn't keep our promise and went to watch the movie.
The Possession. While I'm writing this post she should be watching it. Hell Yeah. You know what? The thing I care the most is, it isn't the first time you watch it with me. You would say the point is the person you watch the movie is. Fine that is one, but still, it won't be the first time we both watch the movie together. Be it your parents friends whoever. I know I shouldn't take this so big but I just didn't like the feeling.
When a heart breaks no it don't break even.
I can feel it so true now. Yea it really isn't even. One still loves while the other one's leaving. Is it really like this? I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking know, as you don't even want to talk. But I guess that's fine. I made you like that. What more is to be said?
I was in her class. We were arguing fighting. I really couldn't hold any longer. I really hate when she just keep looking away and didn't answer when I call her. I really really hate that eventho I know what I did was really irritating and disturbing and only making her hate me more. Yea that's why I think I'm trying to do something and she's avoiding and she thinks that I'm doing nonsense and useless thing and we don't ever talk or see again is the best way to keep us from fighting again. See? It's not even. And I was so angry, that I at last still can't hold myself and punched hard on her table. She finally looked at me. What was that? Like, "Dafuq did you just hit my table?" or "What is wrong with you?" I don't get that sight. I don't know what that was supposed to mean. Or did she wanted to show what? I just don't know I just don't know fuck me I just don't know anything. She doesn't want me to know anything. Okay thats awfully fine it's her freedom her choice. I can do nothing about it. Then I got back to my class. Rather, walking while crying back to my class. I still held the tears in my eyes, they didn't fell off until I reached my seat and sat down. I felt really helpless. I cried. Every part of my body is trembling. I cried, don't know for how long, and I felt asleep. I've hurt myself too much, I guess. My head was hurt, my hands, legs, my body. Mind blown, heart broke down, shattered everywhere. No matter how hard I try, it can't be sticked together again. Guess that's the consequence I get for doing all those things. It's okay I can bear it. Maybe not now, but one day. Maybe that "one day" is way so far from now, maybe it'll never come, maybe it just arrive the next day I wake up in the morning.
I don't know anymore. I can't think properly. That punch on the table would have ended all. I knew it. Yet I'd done it. But that was all I had. All the anger, all my unhappiness, all my depression. That's all. I didn't want to hit her or anything. But if she would think like that, like I said it's hers to choose. Would she see how sad I was? Or would she just see that I'm immature to have done that? I never get to know.
Fine. That should be all of it. It's weird I felt better after writing all these.
So I think I'll receive the same thing again. I will not safe it. Please promise myself. Please. I can do no more but give what she wants. I'm no longer who. I wasn't who in precise. Let her be, she wants freedom? Give her. She wants to leave you? Let her. May it hurt you how much, you have to. Because you aren't anyone anymore. You just weren't anyone.
Craps I'm coughing again. Hopefully it's just normal sick.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'm just so sick. There's coughing non-stop, even blood is coughed out sometimes, I can hardly breath sometimes, tinnitus ( I hope it's just small case to deal with I wouldn't want it to be tumor), headache and don't know what more is coming up. Fuck I'm just 16. Whatever. And hey dad and mom? It's my body, I know it better than anyone else. I'm seriously okay, I'll ask you to bring me to a doctor when I need it, thanks.
So it started again. Yea that's okay I foresighted that. I swore didn't I? If it happens again I will never safe anything anymore. I won't safe this relationship anymore, I won't safe you anymore, I won't safe myself anymore. It will end. As you wanted, that it makes us better. Well that's fine with me.
Okay I've got nothing to do. I can only keep listening to music to wash my brain. It is really painful, and it hurts. I never wanted anything to be like this. But okay since I started it guess I was the faulty. Sorry.
Damn just why do these ants won't stop appearing on my table? I'd killed like thousands of them. Now Go Away before I... do nothing.
Indeed I'd lost sleep. I haven't been resting since last night. Not a sleep, nap or anything. My body is just so exhausted but I just can't fall asleep. I was so hungry but I just can't eat anything. What's this sickness called again?... Forget it.
Yea. I won't look back for now. Not with any emotion. No anger, no sadness, no nothing. Suddenly I feel like going to just any concert, and shout out, scream! Yell! Do whatever! Hit any person I don't like seeing! Just saying. Maybe I'll do those in my dream, or some.
My soul slides away.
I never had my soul from the moment you left me and I never got it back. Who cares. I'm always alone. Was then, will then.
We fought again, because I thought you didn't keep our promise and went to watch the movie.
The Possession. While I'm writing this post she should be watching it. Hell Yeah. You know what? The thing I care the most is, it isn't the first time you watch it with me. You would say the point is the person you watch the movie is. Fine that is one, but still, it won't be the first time we both watch the movie together. Be it your parents friends whoever. I know I shouldn't take this so big but I just didn't like the feeling.
When a heart breaks no it don't break even.
I can feel it so true now. Yea it really isn't even. One still loves while the other one's leaving. Is it really like this? I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking know, as you don't even want to talk. But I guess that's fine. I made you like that. What more is to be said?
I was in her class. We were arguing fighting. I really couldn't hold any longer. I really hate when she just keep looking away and didn't answer when I call her. I really really hate that eventho I know what I did was really irritating and disturbing and only making her hate me more. Yea that's why I think I'm trying to do something and she's avoiding and she thinks that I'm doing nonsense and useless thing and we don't ever talk or see again is the best way to keep us from fighting again. See? It's not even. And I was so angry, that I at last still can't hold myself and punched hard on her table. She finally looked at me. What was that? Like, "Dafuq did you just hit my table?" or "What is wrong with you?" I don't get that sight. I don't know what that was supposed to mean. Or did she wanted to show what? I just don't know I just don't know fuck me I just don't know anything. She doesn't want me to know anything. Okay thats awfully fine it's her freedom her choice. I can do nothing about it. Then I got back to my class. Rather, walking while crying back to my class. I still held the tears in my eyes, they didn't fell off until I reached my seat and sat down. I felt really helpless. I cried. Every part of my body is trembling. I cried, don't know for how long, and I felt asleep. I've hurt myself too much, I guess. My head was hurt, my hands, legs, my body. Mind blown, heart broke down, shattered everywhere. No matter how hard I try, it can't be sticked together again. Guess that's the consequence I get for doing all those things. It's okay I can bear it. Maybe not now, but one day. Maybe that "one day" is way so far from now, maybe it'll never come, maybe it just arrive the next day I wake up in the morning.
I don't know anymore. I can't think properly. That punch on the table would have ended all. I knew it. Yet I'd done it. But that was all I had. All the anger, all my unhappiness, all my depression. That's all. I didn't want to hit her or anything. But if she would think like that, like I said it's hers to choose. Would she see how sad I was? Or would she just see that I'm immature to have done that? I never get to know.
Fine. That should be all of it. It's weird I felt better after writing all these.
So I think I'll receive the same thing again. I will not safe it. Please promise myself. Please. I can do no more but give what she wants. I'm no longer who. I wasn't who in precise. Let her be, she wants freedom? Give her. She wants to leave you? Let her. May it hurt you how much, you have to. Because you aren't anyone anymore. You just weren't anyone.
Craps I'm coughing again. Hopefully it's just normal sick.
Monday, August 27, 2012
My 16 =)
I should've written this last night but uh... some technical problem occurred so I am going to write it today. =D
26th of August every year is my birthday. I have to admit, last year's 15th birthday of mine was really screwed. It didn't even felt like a birthday. It was merely another so-unlucky-like-day for me. Ah never mind, let what had passed be past, we'll look into the bright future together ;) But the scars in my heart will hardly fade away, I know, trust me.
So it finally arrived. :) My 16's birthday. I promised myself no matter what I will be happy on the day. I can't be like before, I shan't be. Oh and there's a little interlude, I went hanging out with that stupid girl a few days before my birthday, and we had some leisure moment.
Tuesday night I lied to my parents saying I want to go school to play basketball with my friends. Behind that I was actually planning to go hang out with her. I know I'm bad but sorry dad mom. So I was sent to school as planned, and I meet up with her and we walked to Pavilion. At first we thought we wanted to watch a movie, but there was no movie available for us so we just swung around. It was not a long outing, like 3 to 4 hours, but I enjoyed the moment with her So we went into Daiso to buy some sweets. She bought a pack of milk soft candy for me as I chose it. It costed RM5 which I still think it's a little expensive because it isn't a big packet but it's made in Japan so I told myself it's okay... I love that sweet it has a rich taste of milk but it's not like others milk rock candy it's soft like Sugus or Fruit Plus. So I'd quickly finish a half pack of the sugar until now. Then we bought a cup of erm... tea? I guess I can call it that way?... Ah the shop's name is Chado. It's something like Chatime or ShareTea... So it's tea I guess? Argh yes and the most embarrassing thing is, I forgot to bring my wallet! I took it out from my bad because it's holiday and I forgot to put it back into my bad when we went out! My God I was like uh-oh when I put my hand into the bag trying to grab my wallet and I realized I hadn't brought it with me. Okay this will never happen again I promise. It was really awkward every time we buy something I just stand there and she took out her wallet to pay. >< Later on we went in to Times to look around but didn't buy any books. And we went into Starbucks, she paid too... we bought a drink and a piece of Tiramisu cake and shared. Then she asked what do I want for my birthday, I told her I want her but, haha she smiled and said no. So we went into a few shops because she thought of buying clothes for me, Converse, Puma. The singlet in Converse shop was nice, but I'm just afraid I haven't had the body to wear that. So finally we went into Typo which we'd went a few times before to look and to try to look for gifts for friends. After looking for long we finally decided to buy a mug for me. But the counter told us it would be cheaper if we buy 2, so she picked one for herself too. :) Then we swung around and went back to school. It rained on the way but luckily it was only small rain. The Typo bag was wet and she was a little upset. Sorry I couldn't do anything and I didn't brought an umbrella or something. And some photo's with her so... hmmm... haha yeah :)
So... Yeah that was it and, my birthday :)
Earlier I thought my birthday is on Saturday but I think I just mistakenly read the calendar. It was on Sunday and it crashed with my PAMA competition! Saturday I have my Mental Arithmetic class so I strive so hard on that day. I even practiced at home but I guess I just still wasn't strong enough. I only got 4th place in the competition. I was a little upset by that, but soon I became happier when I texted with her for a long time and she kept console me and gave me a push. I had lunch with my family, but I don't know why my dad and mom was like in cold war and they hadn't talked to each other since Saturday night. I felt a swell in my stomach and I hadn't eat nicely that meal. After the meal we went home to rest. I texted with her for some time too, and napped awhile, and dinner. Dinner was a little better because I am feeling a little hungry. We went to buy me a cake, white chocolate flavor. Honestly I never heard of cake with this flavor but I tried it and it was okay. The only thing I didn't like about the cake is that it had some nut taste in it. I don't like nuts. But all together it was okay. And about the dinner, my parents didn't even wanted to sit together. Dad sat with me, mom sat with sister. Sigh... I ordered a Salmon Steak and a Vanilla milkshake ;) We brought the cake to the restaurant but later we brought it back home to celebrate. My family sand me a song and I blowed a candle and we ate some cake. I'm not going to write anymore about this and finally some photos.
At night I still chatted with her awhile. Sigh I don't know what happened that made you so upset. I'm sorry if it had something to do with me. I know keep asking you about that is maybe a tiny little annoying, or I hope you don't think like that? uhm...
I'm gonna be honest. This was the best birthday I had these few year. What? I'm serious. Yup think whatever say whatever. " What?! This can't be it's nothing special!" Bah who cares about special or not. At least it's a normal birthday, right? :) Right? ... And the truth is I am happy, I really am. I just feel a little disappointed, deep inside my heart, a tiny, small, little, unimportant feeling of disappointment... When I know you won't gift yourself to me haha ;P But never mind like I told you I just love you and I'll wait for you no matter what I promise. Yes Joyce Soon Ee Jun I really do love you.
Hey Ee Jun? Thanks for all that... =] I really like the present. The chocolates the mug and the surprise... tissue hahaha ;P you're so cute. And I've got something to tell you.
It's okay there' no card nor cake or something. I already like it a lot for what you've done and the message. I'll keep it nicely don't worry ;) Know why I didn't choose a gift more expensive? Truth is I just don't know what more I can still want from you you'd given me so much. I always make you upset, mad at me, cry, heart-broken... much more, you just don't talk to me for a day or something then you'll be okay when we will be like normal again. Stupid didn't I told you never to say that you're a failure or you can't do anything or anything similar to those? You only don't know because I hardly tell you things about this... =] And you always say what you like or what you want or what is pretty and nice, that's why I can know what you want haha... So it's really okay, I've got you that the best thing I've got in my life I don't need more, so don't ever apologize on this again... I thought I saw hope from your message but you'd wrote and say you were joking so... Guess it's alright I understand =]
I know you love me too you stupid. Thank you for all that Ee Jun, I love every bit of those and I love every bit of you ;P Thank you... I love you Soon Ee Jun!!
I should really be grateful and thankful for all I have when I've got all the bests. ;)
Happy birthday to me =)
Thank you Soon Ee Jun I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Night ! ;)
26th of August every year is my birthday. I have to admit, last year's 15th birthday of mine was really screwed. It didn't even felt like a birthday. It was merely another so-unlucky-like-day for me. Ah never mind, let what had passed be past, we'll look into the bright future together ;) But the scars in my heart will hardly fade away, I know, trust me.
So it finally arrived. :) My 16's birthday. I promised myself no matter what I will be happy on the day. I can't be like before, I shan't be. Oh and there's a little interlude, I went hanging out with that stupid girl a few days before my birthday, and we had some leisure moment.
Tuesday night I lied to my parents saying I want to go school to play basketball with my friends. Behind that I was actually planning to go hang out with her. I know I'm bad but sorry dad mom. So I was sent to school as planned, and I meet up with her and we walked to Pavilion. At first we thought we wanted to watch a movie, but there was no movie available for us so we just swung around. It was not a long outing, like 3 to 4 hours, but I enjoyed the moment with her So we went into Daiso to buy some sweets. She bought a pack of milk soft candy for me as I chose it. It costed RM5 which I still think it's a little expensive because it isn't a big packet but it's made in Japan so I told myself it's okay... I love that sweet it has a rich taste of milk but it's not like others milk rock candy it's soft like Sugus or Fruit Plus. So I'd quickly finish a half pack of the sugar until now. Then we bought a cup of erm... tea? I guess I can call it that way?... Ah the shop's name is Chado. It's something like Chatime or ShareTea... So it's tea I guess? Argh yes and the most embarrassing thing is, I forgot to bring my wallet! I took it out from my bad because it's holiday and I forgot to put it back into my bad when we went out! My God I was like uh-oh when I put my hand into the bag trying to grab my wallet and I realized I hadn't brought it with me. Okay this will never happen again I promise. It was really awkward every time we buy something I just stand there and she took out her wallet to pay. >< Later on we went in to Times to look around but didn't buy any books. And we went into Starbucks, she paid too... we bought a drink and a piece of Tiramisu cake and shared. Then she asked what do I want for my birthday, I told her I want her but, haha she smiled and said no. So we went into a few shops because she thought of buying clothes for me, Converse, Puma. The singlet in Converse shop was nice, but I'm just afraid I haven't had the body to wear that. So finally we went into Typo which we'd went a few times before to look and to try to look for gifts for friends. After looking for long we finally decided to buy a mug for me. But the counter told us it would be cheaper if we buy 2, so she picked one for herself too. :) Then we swung around and went back to school. It rained on the way but luckily it was only small rain. The Typo bag was wet and she was a little upset. Sorry I couldn't do anything and I didn't brought an umbrella or something. And some photo's with her so... hmmm... haha yeah :)
So... Yeah that was it and, my birthday :)
Earlier I thought my birthday is on Saturday but I think I just mistakenly read the calendar. It was on Sunday and it crashed with my PAMA competition! Saturday I have my Mental Arithmetic class so I strive so hard on that day. I even practiced at home but I guess I just still wasn't strong enough. I only got 4th place in the competition. I was a little upset by that, but soon I became happier when I texted with her for a long time and she kept console me and gave me a push. I had lunch with my family, but I don't know why my dad and mom was like in cold war and they hadn't talked to each other since Saturday night. I felt a swell in my stomach and I hadn't eat nicely that meal. After the meal we went home to rest. I texted with her for some time too, and napped awhile, and dinner. Dinner was a little better because I am feeling a little hungry. We went to buy me a cake, white chocolate flavor. Honestly I never heard of cake with this flavor but I tried it and it was okay. The only thing I didn't like about the cake is that it had some nut taste in it. I don't like nuts. But all together it was okay. And about the dinner, my parents didn't even wanted to sit together. Dad sat with me, mom sat with sister. Sigh... I ordered a Salmon Steak and a Vanilla milkshake ;) We brought the cake to the restaurant but later we brought it back home to celebrate. My family sand me a song and I blowed a candle and we ate some cake. I'm not going to write anymore about this and finally some photos.
My salmon steak and vanilla milkshake ;)
I looked weird but my mom wanted to take it so...
White chocolate flavor cake.
Sis sitting beside me when we sang Happy Birthday song.
Made a long wish and blew out the candle.
=)
At night I still chatted with her awhile. Sigh I don't know what happened that made you so upset. I'm sorry if it had something to do with me. I know keep asking you about that is maybe a tiny little annoying, or I hope you don't think like that? uhm...
I'm gonna be honest. This was the best birthday I had these few year. What? I'm serious. Yup think whatever say whatever. " What?! This can't be it's nothing special!" Bah who cares about special or not. At least it's a normal birthday, right? :) Right? ... And the truth is I am happy, I really am. I just feel a little disappointed, deep inside my heart, a tiny, small, little, unimportant feeling of disappointment... When I know you won't gift yourself to me haha ;P But never mind like I told you I just love you and I'll wait for you no matter what I promise. Yes Joyce Soon Ee Jun I really do love you.
Hey Ee Jun? Thanks for all that... =] I really like the present. The chocolates the mug and the surprise... tissue hahaha ;P you're so cute. And I've got something to tell you.
It's okay there' no card nor cake or something. I already like it a lot for what you've done and the message. I'll keep it nicely don't worry ;) Know why I didn't choose a gift more expensive? Truth is I just don't know what more I can still want from you you'd given me so much. I always make you upset, mad at me, cry, heart-broken... much more, you just don't talk to me for a day or something then you'll be okay when we will be like normal again. Stupid didn't I told you never to say that you're a failure or you can't do anything or anything similar to those? You only don't know because I hardly tell you things about this... =] And you always say what you like or what you want or what is pretty and nice, that's why I can know what you want haha... So it's really okay, I've got you that the best thing I've got in my life I don't need more, so don't ever apologize on this again... I thought I saw hope from your message but you'd wrote and say you were joking so... Guess it's alright I understand =]
I know you love me too you stupid. Thank you for all that Ee Jun, I love every bit of those and I love every bit of you ;P Thank you... I love you Soon Ee Jun!!
See I kept all of them nicely;)
The milk soft candy I like a lot, and this 2 bars of chocolates... They can't be cheap right? Thank you...;)
The mug from Typo =D Look GUNS.N.ROSES =D
I should really be grateful and thankful for all I have when I've got all the bests. ;)
Happy birthday to me =)
Thank you Soon Ee Jun I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Night ! ;)
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sad and sorrow night.
I really should blog shouldn't I? Last post was so long ago. So okay I promised I'll write something whatever it is, and here it goes.
It's finally HOLIDAY, which means I can stay up late to play and sleep until late morning and go out and play basketball anytime I want and so much more to do. May....be I can't do all of them but, at least I don't have to face that irritating Nio Wei How for a week. Thanks God. He is so making me hate him as he always talk cock in the class and he kept killing students' mood to study and while, he is the one who is too much and all the time egocentrism! Damn I hate him so much! Ugh fine I will not write more about him he's tainting my post. *Shoo!
So every one was so happy because we got our holiday a day earlier. We were supposed to go to school until Saturday but our holiday started on Thursday. Well that only means more fun I guess. ;)
Last day of school before the holiday I'd spent quite a nice day with her since I know I won't be seeing her for like 9 or 10 days until the holiday ends. We talked in the morning for a long time, and that was a cute talk.=P And so... the day ended, I didn't know whether she really stayed down and play volleyball or she'd gone hanging out with friends, I don't wanna because I am jealous of both ;( My dad wanted me to go home straight away after class ends.
That night was sweet, we had such sweet talk... But tonight... ugh... I don't know. I feel, like everything is so bad, so wrong, so... not in the way it was supposed to be.
I got home after whole day suffering from missing her but can't see her. I was so happy when I finally am home and I turned on the computer immediately to get to her and talk to her. I missed her so much. You see, the thing I only don't like about holiday is that I have to spend days or weeks or even months not seeing her. Which is quite sad.
I don't want to write anything about what happened, but however it is, it wasn't good. That's why I couldn't fall asleep, and stayed up so late night.
Girl I'm sorry. I know it was my fault, but still thank you to be considerate... at least I'm clear now that you weren't unhappy or angry at me. I'd thought too much, sorry.
Sigh why should the night be like this? Isn't it supposed to be peaceful, silent, when I can get some sleep and rest well, and who knows, maybe dream of you a little. ;) I just hardly go a day without you. Frankly, I somehow dislike holiday for separating you from me. I don't know how you think but I guess you actually enjoy the holiday so much, am I right? :)
Sigh, this is so sad. But hell yeah I managed to calm myself. I just feel really sad about out conversation. I cried again. I can't bear every time we fight and argue. I just hate myself when I know I made everything worse. I'm stupid. And this is so sad, because I don't have a stupid brain, indeed my brain was brilliant. I made it stupid, made myself stupid. I could have calmed down and settle things. I just, don't like the thought of losing you you get me you stupid girl? :( why do you have to break me heart every time?
Sigh, it's okay. I'll overcome it sooner or later. Then every time even if you scold me or anything I will just smile and make it okay and make you feel okay. I promise.
I am really down but I couldn't fall asleep. sigh... How I wish you were here now beside me.
God? Forgive me.
It's finally HOLIDAY, which means I can stay up late to play and sleep until late morning and go out and play basketball anytime I want and so much more to do. May....be I can't do all of them but, at least I don't have to face that irritating Nio Wei How for a week. Thanks God. He is so making me hate him as he always talk cock in the class and he kept killing students' mood to study and while, he is the one who is too much and all the time egocentrism! Damn I hate him so much! Ugh fine I will not write more about him he's tainting my post. *Shoo!
So every one was so happy because we got our holiday a day earlier. We were supposed to go to school until Saturday but our holiday started on Thursday. Well that only means more fun I guess. ;)
Last day of school before the holiday I'd spent quite a nice day with her since I know I won't be seeing her for like 9 or 10 days until the holiday ends. We talked in the morning for a long time, and that was a cute talk.=P And so... the day ended, I didn't know whether she really stayed down and play volleyball or she'd gone hanging out with friends, I don't wanna because I am jealous of both ;( My dad wanted me to go home straight away after class ends.
That night was sweet, we had such sweet talk... But tonight... ugh... I don't know. I feel, like everything is so bad, so wrong, so... not in the way it was supposed to be.
I got home after whole day suffering from missing her but can't see her. I was so happy when I finally am home and I turned on the computer immediately to get to her and talk to her. I missed her so much. You see, the thing I only don't like about holiday is that I have to spend days or weeks or even months not seeing her. Which is quite sad.
I don't want to write anything about what happened, but however it is, it wasn't good. That's why I couldn't fall asleep, and stayed up so late night.
Girl I'm sorry. I know it was my fault, but still thank you to be considerate... at least I'm clear now that you weren't unhappy or angry at me. I'd thought too much, sorry.
Sigh why should the night be like this? Isn't it supposed to be peaceful, silent, when I can get some sleep and rest well, and who knows, maybe dream of you a little. ;) I just hardly go a day without you. Frankly, I somehow dislike holiday for separating you from me. I don't know how you think but I guess you actually enjoy the holiday so much, am I right? :)
Sigh, this is so sad. But hell yeah I managed to calm myself. I just feel really sad about out conversation. I cried again. I can't bear every time we fight and argue. I just hate myself when I know I made everything worse. I'm stupid. And this is so sad, because I don't have a stupid brain, indeed my brain was brilliant. I made it stupid, made myself stupid. I could have calmed down and settle things. I just, don't like the thought of losing you you get me you stupid girl? :( why do you have to break me heart every time?
Sigh, it's okay. I'll overcome it sooner or later. Then every time even if you scold me or anything I will just smile and make it okay and make you feel okay. I promise.
I am really down but I couldn't fall asleep. sigh... How I wish you were here now beside me.
God? Forgive me.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Untitled (1)
Okay so I admit I knew why you were unhappy and emotional like that. That girl walking by and hitting my like that made you upset right? Ugh...
I swear I didn't saw her and didn't know that was coming or else I would have avoided or stopped her. But I'm sorry that happened, I'm really. Don't worry I'll tell her not to do that again, in fact, I'll tell others not to do things like that again. I just don't want you to be upset or unhappy or anything. I promise that will never happen again.
So I was waken up by another nightmare this morning. I've had nightmares for like a week or longer, hadn't had one day I slept soundly. Every time I snapped out of the nightmare heart beating so fast, sweating. Maybe all those nightmares were scary, but what I most fear is that you, the one I love the most appeared in it. I don't want anything bad to happen between us or to you. I just hope every thing's gonna be fine and the nightmares will fade and never come to me again. It isn't fun at all. Because I wake up everyday, hmm... every midnight and hardly go to sleep again, it had been a tiring week for me. Body's tired, mind's tired, seems like every thing's tired. But I still have to study, still have to do my revision and home works, I don't have much time to waste.
Nothing much to write now... hah this post came fast, lightning post #awwyeah
You know what? deep inside I was happy you still care and you didn't like others touching me because I'm still a someone to you. Thank you <3 div="div" nbsp="nbsp">
Yup that's all Good night world.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
傻婆 .o.
傻婆 =P 对啦就是你啦
那个又可爱又美丽又天才的孙奕珺... xD
喂你哦，呵呵...
我大概真的太疼你了啦呵呵...
你也被我宠坏了耶 ;)
.
..
...
..
.
你看你, 有时想吃东西，会很高兴指着那个食物跟我说：“我要这个” =D
有时你也会笑着看着我说你想吃什么什么的
还有你也会想我帮你拿东西的时候直接就把那个东西给我什么都不用说，我也会帮你拿着
你自己大概没有发觉是是？ =]
不过有什么关系喔？ 至少不会有人可以那么疼你那么照顾你那么护着你那么爱你，是是？
就算你真的觉得这样不好，就算你真的能够习惯没有我，那大概又是要多久时间？
告诉我第二天就能习惯没有我，只是在骗我吧？ 再怎样都骗不了自己..
我说啊呵呵，干嘛你就不接受我？
时机未成熟？害怕在一次受伤害？
哎，我懂我不应该这样问的... 但是我大概太急了...
没关系我会等你的，我不想被你认真地说我幼稚啦（ 说笑那是没关系 ）我也不想给人觉得我缠着你...
我真的很爱你，从来没变过
但怎么有时候当我以为我们正在变得更靠近的时候，总有什么东西再把我们拉开很远很远的距离？
我不懂你怎么想我啦，但我希望你是一样也爱着我
可能你说现在不是时候，我们都还是学生，还要读书，要学习，以后还要分开到不一样的大学继续读书甚至出国... 这些我都懂啊，你当我真的有那么不成熟吗？呵呵
你会看到我那么幼稚或者你觉得那么不成熟让你忍不住说： “成熟点啦” 那样，你应该开心才对啦 =]
我说，别人都不会有机会看到我那样，只有你我才会那么无聊在你面前我才会变得那样
但是如果你真的不喜欢没关系，那我以后就都不要在你面前装幼稚咯 =P
.
..
...
..
.
安啦死白痴哦我... 哈哈
好啦到最后我还是得很认真，真的很认真很认真地告诉你：
如果你以后都不会变，你还是会一样爱我
你等我
到时候我一定会让你幸福
但如果你变了，也没关系
那就让我以后都在背后默默的
喜欢你
就好
因为如果你变了，你大概也不想我爱你了吧？ 虽然我是爱你，但也只能剩下 喜欢 你而已吧？ 爱你的工作，就让你爱的人做吧...
不管到什么时候，我都会等你
如果有一天你和你的爱人分开了，我会很不知羞的把你拉回来
就算被说什么都好
比起那些我更加不愿意看到你一个人伤心，一个人哭
因为当你心痛，我会比你心痛多上千倍万倍
我真的衷心希望，有一天
我会让你成为
这世界上
最幸福
最幸福的
新娘
孙奕珺，我爱你
那个又可爱又美丽又天才的孙奕珺... xD
喂你哦，呵呵...
我大概真的太疼你了啦呵呵...
你也被我宠坏了耶 ;)
.
..
...
..
.
你看你, 有时想吃东西，会很高兴指着那个食物跟我说：“我要这个” =D
有时你也会笑着看着我说你想吃什么什么的
还有你也会想我帮你拿东西的时候直接就把那个东西给我什么都不用说，我也会帮你拿着
你自己大概没有发觉是是？ =]
不过有什么关系喔？ 至少不会有人可以那么疼你那么照顾你那么护着你那么爱你，是是？
就算你真的觉得这样不好，就算你真的能够习惯没有我，那大概又是要多久时间？
告诉我第二天就能习惯没有我，只是在骗我吧？ 再怎样都骗不了自己..
我说啊呵呵，干嘛你就不接受我？
时机未成熟？害怕在一次受伤害？
哎，我懂我不应该这样问的... 但是我大概太急了...
没关系我会等你的，我不想被你认真地说我幼稚啦（ 说笑那是没关系 ）我也不想给人觉得我缠着你...
我真的很爱你，从来没变过
但怎么有时候当我以为我们正在变得更靠近的时候，总有什么东西再把我们拉开很远很远的距离？
我不懂你怎么想我啦，但我希望你是一样也爱着我
可能你说现在不是时候，我们都还是学生，还要读书，要学习，以后还要分开到不一样的大学继续读书甚至出国... 这些我都懂啊，你当我真的有那么不成熟吗？呵呵
你会看到我那么幼稚或者你觉得那么不成熟让你忍不住说： “成熟点啦” 那样，你应该开心才对啦 =]
我说，别人都不会有机会看到我那样，只有你我才会那么无聊在你面前我才会变得那样
但是如果你真的不喜欢没关系，那我以后就都不要在你面前装幼稚咯 =P
.
..
...
..
.
安啦死白痴哦我... 哈哈
好啦到最后我还是得很认真，真的很认真很认真地告诉你：
如果你以后都不会变，你还是会一样爱我
你等我
到时候我一定会让你幸福
但如果你变了，也没关系
那就让我以后都在背后默默的
喜欢你
就好
因为如果你变了，你大概也不想我爱你了吧？ 虽然我是爱你，但也只能剩下 喜欢 你而已吧？ 爱你的工作，就让你爱的人做吧...
不管到什么时候，我都会等你
如果有一天你和你的爱人分开了，我会很不知羞的把你拉回来
就算被说什么都好
比起那些我更加不愿意看到你一个人伤心，一个人哭
因为当你心痛，我会比你心痛多上千倍万倍
我真的衷心希望，有一天
我会让你成为
这世界上
最幸福
最幸福的
新娘
 |
孙奕珺，我爱你
Monday, July 2, 2012
Yup.
So why am I the one supposed to cry now?
Haha, pathetic.
Okay so early in the morning everything was still sweet she seems like happy to see me and I brought her a pack of marshmallow and we finished it with a unimaginable speed (which is not good at all ) and I took the guitar I asked her to lend me and got back to class. Hmm everything still seemed normal.
Yup then was a whole day in bad mood.
First of all I would like to show my appreciation to my lovely head of BM. Yes. FUCK YOU. And FUCK YOU too because you can never imagine how FUCKING lot I FUCKING hate you. I got the red notice twice for BM because of you. You FUCKING BITCH GET LOST.
Then at the first recess I was thinking of playing the guitar and I played. I thought. Yup I really thought at least you would want to see me so I stopped playing and went to see you. Right I knew you would be unhappy but I never imagined that would made you not even want to talk to me. I tried to explain and apologized but seemed like I shouldn't take those for granted. I'm really sorry. Please don't not reply me it kills me. It hurts hell lot when I see you and you didn't even want to look at me nor talk to me.
Then I couldn't do well in class and yup I got frustrated when I see people doing another work that needs to be submitted by the end of the lesson. So I lend the work from my friend and managed to pass it over so I wouldn't get any record. AGAIN.
I returned the guitar at the next recess and I tried to talk to her. I thought that was better at last she had answered me a little. So I'd stayed with her for the whole recess since I don't know what to do and I didn't know why she didn't want to talk to me. That was really hurting.
After recess I realized I hadn't had anything from morning so I grab the bread I bought last night and I almost swallowed it in whole. ( okay that's not true truth is I finished it really fast )
So I calmed myself down and planned what I want to do later. I thought of playing basketball later at evening, then I want to run for awhile and I want to cycle and play basketball again and again and again until morning comes but... Yup that FUCKING rain spoiled everything. And made worse my mood. I FUCKING love you rain. You made me even frustrated more and made my day worse even more.
I went to see her again before I go knowing that she's staying down for a tuition class which teacher is my Maths teacher. ( hmm... ) Yup I don't like that teacher. Not even a bit. But ah well as long as he teaches and can help her to do better in her Maths subject.
So all the way I ran in the rain. Still running trying to get to my car. Standing there in the rain when I couldn't find my car anywhere. Yes and FUCK you again rain why couldn't you rain heavier? So that I could wash myself with the rain and I could cry and nobody will notice and I could think of what's wrong with me today what's wrong with my life. How I wish you pour on me, rain.
Finally I see my car reaching and I quickly ran to it. I dried myself with tissue and it didn't really work so I turned on the air-cond cooler. It was better when I reached home.
Yup, I am in misery. And why don't you answer me?
FUCK this life. I hate myself.
Haha, pathetic.
Okay so early in the morning everything was still sweet she seems like happy to see me and I brought her a pack of marshmallow and we finished it with a unimaginable speed (which is not good at all ) and I took the guitar I asked her to lend me and got back to class. Hmm everything still seemed normal.
Yup then was a whole day in bad mood.
First of all I would like to show my appreciation to my lovely head of BM. Yes. FUCK YOU. And FUCK YOU too because you can never imagine how FUCKING lot I FUCKING hate you. I got the red notice twice for BM because of you. You FUCKING BITCH GET LOST.
Then at the first recess I was thinking of playing the guitar and I played. I thought. Yup I really thought at least you would want to see me so I stopped playing and went to see you. Right I knew you would be unhappy but I never imagined that would made you not even want to talk to me. I tried to explain and apologized but seemed like I shouldn't take those for granted. I'm really sorry. Please don't not reply me it kills me. It hurts hell lot when I see you and you didn't even want to look at me nor talk to me.
Then I couldn't do well in class and yup I got frustrated when I see people doing another work that needs to be submitted by the end of the lesson. So I lend the work from my friend and managed to pass it over so I wouldn't get any record. AGAIN.
I returned the guitar at the next recess and I tried to talk to her. I thought that was better at last she had answered me a little. So I'd stayed with her for the whole recess since I don't know what to do and I didn't know why she didn't want to talk to me. That was really hurting.
After recess I realized I hadn't had anything from morning so I grab the bread I bought last night and I almost swallowed it in whole. ( okay that's not true truth is I finished it really fast )
So I calmed myself down and planned what I want to do later. I thought of playing basketball later at evening, then I want to run for awhile and I want to cycle and play basketball again and again and again until morning comes but... Yup that FUCKING rain spoiled everything. And made worse my mood. I FUCKING love you rain. You made me even frustrated more and made my day worse even more.
I went to see her again before I go knowing that she's staying down for a tuition class which teacher is my Maths teacher. ( hmm... ) Yup I don't like that teacher. Not even a bit. But ah well as long as he teaches and can help her to do better in her Maths subject.
So all the way I ran in the rain. Still running trying to get to my car. Standing there in the rain when I couldn't find my car anywhere. Yes and FUCK you again rain why couldn't you rain heavier? So that I could wash myself with the rain and I could cry and nobody will notice and I could think of what's wrong with me today what's wrong with my life. How I wish you pour on me, rain.
Finally I see my car reaching and I quickly ran to it. I dried myself with tissue and it didn't really work so I turned on the air-cond cooler. It was better when I reached home.
FUCK this life. I hate myself.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I Want to Go Home.
What was the last time I wanted to cry because I was afraid?
Haha. I had cried so many times, because I was hurt, recalled something bad,
anger, but fear? Nah I merely remember when was the last time I FEEL like
crying for it.
I'm sorry. Sorry for not telling the truth. Sorry for everything.
I know what I did was wrong I'm sorry.
I got to the station and try to get on the LRT to Hang Tua and I
wanted to go home. The stupid Indian in front of me was like oh-God-DAMN he
didn't even know how to take a LRT! So I wasted much time standing behind him
waiting. I got my token and paid in less than 5 seconds how was that? Not really something to be proud
of. I rushed to the train. I
couldn't got on it. There were too many people. I was kept out from the LRT. Seeing
so many people inside it, and the stupid LRT door closing up, I was so mad at
the Malaysia's Fucking stupid LRT system. Why can't it take
more passenger? Why can't it move faster? Why do I have to wait for so long
until the next train arrives while looking at the train across stopped by 2
times? I was so scared. I wanted to make a call to my dad to tell him to wait
for me longer. No one was there. Strangers? Yes, whole bunch of them. I
couldn't even find a public phone. Stupid. I kept looking at the time. It
ticked 6 p.m. and I thought GREAT
My dad will surely be MAD and I probably WON'T be able to go home because he
MIGHT left and NOT WAIT for me. The
train finally got here on 6.15 p.m. I was still so scared until I almost came
to tears on the train. But I didn't. Not
this time I thought. There's nothing to be cried. No one pities you. As soon as I got to the stop I
rushed back to school. I ran all the way through the crowd, the stupid FAT
woman blocking my path, dashed through cars, roads, Fucking stupid people who talks on phone and
walk ENORMOUSLY s l o w . Yes I was so tired. I trained the whole morning
today. My leg was extremely, mega, hyper, ultra, whatever-a EXHAUSTED. I ran
out of water I didn't drink for quite some time. My eyelids were heavy I was
sleepy. My brain was full of shits bad
things that could happen. And yes I saw my dad's car and I ran as fast as
possible to it. I was relieved he was still there. But dad wasn't in the car.
My first thought was like WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE ARE YOU DAD? And I had gone mad
looking for someone I could borrow a phone. Luckily I met a friend and I
borrowed his mom's phone. My dad was out looking for me. He was worried. I
still hadn't catch my breath and I was like oh God can I not cry while I talked
to my dad. I managed to push down the knot on my throat. But I really wanted
crying. I wanted to ignore everything everyone around and just burst out crying
I want to tell that how much I wanted to go home how much I was freaked out
just thinking that I couldn't get home. I'm sorry. Dad didn't scold me. He just
warned me like there won't be a second time.
Yes yes no more out-going no more having movies with friends when
I can't manage how to get home no more fooling around when I need to ask
someone to fetch me YES WHATEVER I PROMISE YOU! I PROMISE I won't do any of
these anymore. I promise! Just please never let me out there alone again. Never
throw me out of home. Please don't not fetch me back home. Please! I beg!
I just want to be home. I'm happy enough with home even I really want
to go out I want to hang out with friends. But I just want to come home after
that, after all fun. I want to come home.
Monday, May 28, 2012
A New Story.
A new day a new story, that's what we've been going through everyday.
Ah who doesn't want a good day, a good story, or even good life? But people just don't get what they want when they had even tried so hard.
Yes I tried to be nice, tried to be thoughtful, tried to be considerate, tried to do so much things. Yet I still don't know how she thinks now.
Okay so I started counting the guitar's string, fret by fret. She still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't .... there's goes the 6th string. And now the 5th string..... And the 4th string.... The 3rd... 2nd.... And the 1st string... Oh no she doesn't love me anymore!
Ah how stupid... girls ain't guitar, they don't think the same as guitar. (IF guitars have brains, that is.)
Yup and I know I never let go of her, I stillfucking love her so much. And today I felt like holding her hands and not letting go. I want to hold her forever.
And there's another story, about me.
Right I admit I loved volleyball last year. No no there's nothing to do about jealousy in this not a tiny bit. I just miss that time. I had friends who played volleyball, who at least liked volleyball, who would want to play volleyball with me.
So now I plead. I want to play volleyball again.
And I plead. I want to have friends who play volleyball too.
And I plead. I want to have friends who love to play volleyball.
And I plead more. I want my friends who love to play volleyball play with me.
And I plead even more. I want to play in the volleyball match with my friends who love volleyball in the school next year.
And please. I want to play with my friends who love playing volleyball and we play together in the volleyball competition and we get prizes in the competition even bronze is enough.
Yes I plead. Plead so much.
And please let this all happen. In return I'll be a good boy, to whoever or whatever that could help realize my wishes.
Ah who doesn't want a good day, a good story, or even good life? But people just don't get what they want when they had even tried so hard.
Yes I tried to be nice, tried to be thoughtful, tried to be considerate, tried to do so much things. Yet I still don't know how she thinks now.
Okay so I started counting the guitar's string, fret by fret. She still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't; she still loves me, she doesn't .... there's goes the 6th string. And now the 5th string..... And the 4th string.... The 3rd... 2nd.... And the 1st string... Oh no she doesn't love me anymore!
Ah how stupid... girls ain't guitar, they don't think the same as guitar. (IF guitars have brains, that is.)
Yup and I know I never let go of her, I still
And there's another story, about me.
Right I admit I loved volleyball last year. No no there's nothing to do about jealousy in this not a tiny bit. I just miss that time. I had friends who played volleyball, who at least liked volleyball, who would want to play volleyball with me.
So now I plead. I want to play volleyball again.
And I plead. I want to have friends who play volleyball too.
And I plead. I want to have friends who love to play volleyball.
And I plead more. I want my friends who love to play volleyball play with me.
And I plead even more. I want to play in the volleyball match with my friends who love volleyball in the school next year.
And please. I want to play with my friends who love playing volleyball and we play together in the volleyball competition and we get prizes in the competition even bronze is enough.
Yes I plead. Plead so much.
And please let this all happen. In return I'll be a good boy, to whoever or whatever that could help realize my wishes.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Stupid Feeling.
She got into the volleyball team. Yup she is happy. So happy.
Alright here's what happening inside me. Sure I am happy too because you achieved your dream. You've always wanted to get into the team, and now you have.
Okay FINE, I'm so not happy. Know what? I actually felt stupid when I congratulate her when I knew she got into the volleyball team. And yes I am SO SELFISH. I only think about myself. I know, clearly than anyone else, if she is in the team she won't have any time to spend with me. NOT A SINGLE DAY. Yes I only want her to be like before, so she would have more free time. So I will be able to ask her out. So I will be able to spend more time with her. So I can TIE HER TO ME SO NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE HER AWAY.
I AM A FUCKING MORONE.
Alright here's what happening inside me. Sure I am happy too because you achieved your dream. You've always wanted to get into the team, and now you have.
Okay FINE, I'm so not happy. Know what? I actually felt stupid when I congratulate her when I knew she got into the volleyball team. And yes I am SO SELFISH. I only think about myself. I know, clearly than anyone else, if she is in the team she won't have any time to spend with me. NOT A SINGLE DAY. Yes I only want her to be like before, so she would have more free time. So I will be able to ask her out. So I will be able to spend more time with her. So I can TIE HER TO ME SO NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE HER AWAY.
I AM A FUCKING MORONE.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Best Days in My Life.
"However it turns out to be, let's just smile and be happy." A tiny voice in me told me this after the shaty exam. Yup it's over. Hooray !
Hmm... This was a kinda belated-post, but whatever I just want to write XD
Yesterday was one of the best days in my life, because I'd hang out with the girl I love ;D Everything seemed so beautiful and magical, I just love the date, or maybe better called a hang-out ;P
So here's how it started and all the inside part of it :
The day before I asked her whether she would like to hang out with me, like go for a movie or lunch or something. She said she would have to consider my invitation because she was fully booked. Haha she's cute how would people not want to hang out with her? But of course finally she decided to go out with me ;P win. So early in the morning on the day I was a little busy thinking of what to wear so I wouldn't look so... messy? then I remembered she liked one of my T-shirt so I'd throw that into my bag and pick a pair of shorts and jeans. Not sure what to wear.
So morning that day I went to look for her, she was figuring out the maths like trying to figure out some super hard questions. Nah I helped her a bit and taught her. Was kinda fun teaching ;P
I took out the gift I wanted to give her long -- the album < Goodbye Lullaby >by Avril Lavigne :D
Awww... should take a picture of her when she got the gift. The smile on her face was like angel, breathtaking. Sigh.
She was worried about me, which makes me kinda happy haha. Since her exam ends 4 hours earlier than mine, I asked her to go back and take some rest first, I know she was so tired after the exam. Staying up late at night, frustrated when she have to handle something else and she needed to study. She'd been so busy, so I wanted her to relax and be happy ;)
After I finished my exam I rushed to her because the teacher was so sloooooooooooooooooow like a snail. She collected the papers one by one yet she still needed to count them. What logic is that? Great I had lesser time to spend with her. However meeting her was good. She was pretty ;) But she kept saying she wasn't. Hmph how dare she disagree with my taste ;P Then we walked to the monorail station and took a ride to Pavilion. Bumped into some friends there, wasn't that bad I guess. After all they aren't those b with itches who spread whatever they see to the whole world. She was hot and sweating. Sorry I didn't had tissue with me. We reached Bukit Bintang and still had to cross a few roads to get to Pavilion. She kept scolding that I didn't know how to cross the road and I just kept smiling ;P She's just caring for me I should appreciate that haha, and I do.
She rushed me to change my clothes so I changed as fast as possible. Peace-patterned T-shirt, jeans-shorts, new Converse shoe, cool hair if i do say so myself, I'm awesome for a 16-year-old teen ;P I think she liked how I wore too, I think. Haha she just wouldn't say I'm handsome or something. I don't really like guessing but I guess deep inside her was sooooo liking me. GUESS.
Since she wanted to watch a movie I brought her up to the cinema. Sadly we weren't able to watch any movie. The movie she yearned to watch, "Dark Shadows" was X-rated. We couldn't buy tickets to get in. And I didn't think she'd be happy with this. Yup she was unhappy, kinda disappointed. Furthermore she kept complaining the cinemas in Malaysia. Haha but still she was cute even when she was complaining and angry of the cinema. Then she felt hungry. Hahaha always hungry ;P Nothing much to eat, so we went to JC. Donuts to eat donuts. She was so darn cute too when she saw the donut she wanted. Stupid she she wanted to pay for it when I'd already said I'll pay. There any more cuter girl than her? sigh.
After that we swung around in the shopping mall. She brought me to a shop named Typo which was a stationer. She saw something she wanted and I offered to buy them for her. She kept rejected it. Haha how cute is it to reject someone's offer to buy you a thing you really like. Then we walked out empty handed and did the same at a few more stores. Hahahaha blacklisted ;P
Later, I brought her to the book store which name I've forgotten haha. She was so happy seeing so many books and some she wanted to buy. I said I would buy for her but she rejected, too. I kept teasing her and she just smiled or sometimes ignored me xP Then we saw some cute things, some amazing 3D-card, and we'd walk out of the book store. I suggested we go to Starbucks and we went. She ordered Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino and I had Mocha Praline Frappuccino. She said she wanted to drink some of mine and I was happy of this haha. We exchanged our drink a few times and I let her drink most of them. I know she liked them. There's a small story where my drink was actually sipped by another friend but... Uh well think I'll skip that ;)
We found a spot and rested for awhile and she told me she had to go. So I walked her to Time Square where her father was picking her up. We still had some time so we walked around. Then what I think was the best part of this whole hang-out was that she KISSED me.
She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me.
I was melting that time. I don't know how to really react to that kiss. I just, couldn't believe it when after all we'd broke up for so long. Then the next second I felt like hugging her tightly, calling her name, and kissing her. I didn't. The kiss blew my mind out. I'd even asked her out again, like... be my date or something. She just smiled and didn't want to answer. I just smiled and continued to walk her to the front door. But I know, deep inside me was a little hurt.
I had waited with her for her dad to come pick her up. I hugged her, she still wasn't willing to hug me until now haha. Or she had her reason. Then I waved her goodbye and I walked away. I swear I saw her kiss-goodbye me. Or was it just an illusion. But I know she would miss me the moment I turned away, because i did the same.
I smiled the way home. I was really happy and joyed. Really happy. I only know, I won't have much days like this. It was wonderful I hardly ever imagined we could still be like this. And then I know, whatever will change, my heart will still be with her. That I loved her so much I thought of going back to Pavilion one day alone and go buy the things she said she wanted and gift them to her.
But I love her. That's the fact. And no matter what I'll still do.
Hmm so the hang-out went like this and pictures of it just keep running'round my mind, hahaha. Yeah definitely one of the best days in my life. God bless her to be happy always.
Hmm... This was a kinda belated-post, but whatever I just want to write XD
Yesterday was one of the best days in my life, because I'd hang out with the girl I love ;D Everything seemed so beautiful and magical, I just love the date, or maybe better called a hang-out ;P
So here's how it started and all the inside part of it :
The day before I asked her whether she would like to hang out with me, like go for a movie or lunch or something. She said she would have to consider my invitation because she was fully booked. Haha she's cute how would people not want to hang out with her? But of course finally she decided to go out with me ;P win. So early in the morning on the day I was a little busy thinking of what to wear so I wouldn't look so... messy? then I remembered she liked one of my T-shirt so I'd throw that into my bag and pick a pair of shorts and jeans. Not sure what to wear.
So morning that day I went to look for her, she was figuring out the maths like trying to figure out some super hard questions. Nah I helped her a bit and taught her. Was kinda fun teaching ;P
I took out the gift I wanted to give her long -- the album < Goodbye Lullaby >
Awww... should take a picture of her when she got the gift. The smile on her face was like angel, breathtaking. Sigh.
She was worried about me, which makes me kinda happy haha. Since her exam ends 4 hours earlier than mine, I asked her to go back and take some rest first, I know she was so tired after the exam. Staying up late at night, frustrated when she have to handle something else and she needed to study. She'd been so busy, so I wanted her to relax and be happy ;)
After I finished my exam I rushed to her because the teacher was so sloooooooooooooooooow like a snail. She collected the papers one by one yet she still needed to count them. What logic is that? Great I had lesser time to spend with her. However meeting her was good. She was pretty ;) But she kept saying she wasn't. Hmph how dare she disagree with my taste ;P Then we walked to the monorail station and took a ride to Pavilion. Bumped into some friends there, wasn't that bad I guess. After all they aren't those b with itches who spread whatever they see to the whole world. She was hot and sweating. Sorry I didn't had tissue with me. We reached Bukit Bintang and still had to cross a few roads to get to Pavilion. She kept scolding that I didn't know how to cross the road and I just kept smiling ;P She's just caring for me I should appreciate that haha, and I do.
She rushed me to change my clothes so I changed as fast as possible. Peace-patterned T-shirt, jeans-shorts, new Converse shoe, cool hair if i do say so myself, I'm awesome for a 16-year-old teen ;P I think she liked how I wore too, I think. Haha she just wouldn't say I'm handsome or something. I don't really like guessing but I guess deep inside her was sooooo liking me. GUESS.
Since she wanted to watch a movie I brought her up to the cinema. Sadly we weren't able to watch any movie. The movie she yearned to watch, "Dark Shadows" was X-rated. We couldn't buy tickets to get in. And I didn't think she'd be happy with this. Yup she was unhappy, kinda disappointed. Furthermore she kept complaining the cinemas in Malaysia. Haha but still she was cute even when she was complaining and angry of the cinema. Then she felt hungry. Hahaha always hungry ;P Nothing much to eat, so we went to JC. Donuts to eat donuts. She was so darn cute too when she saw the donut she wanted. Stupid she she wanted to pay for it when I'd already said I'll pay. There any more cuter girl than her? sigh.
After that we swung around in the shopping mall. She brought me to a shop named Typo which was a stationer. She saw something she wanted and I offered to buy them for her. She kept rejected it. Haha how cute is it to reject someone's offer to buy you a thing you really like. Then we walked out empty handed and did the same at a few more stores. Hahahaha blacklisted ;P
Later, I brought her to the book store which name I've forgotten haha. She was so happy seeing so many books and some she wanted to buy. I said I would buy for her but she rejected, too. I kept teasing her and she just smiled or sometimes ignored me xP Then we saw some cute things, some amazing 3D-card, and we'd walk out of the book store. I suggested we go to Starbucks and we went. She ordered Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino and I had Mocha Praline Frappuccino. She said she wanted to drink some of mine and I was happy of this haha. We exchanged our drink a few times and I let her drink most of them. I know she liked them. There's a small story where my drink was actually sipped by another friend but... Uh well think I'll skip that ;)
We found a spot and rested for awhile and she told me she had to go. So I walked her to Time Square where her father was picking her up. We still had some time so we walked around. Then what I think was the best part of this whole hang-out was that she KISSED me.
She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me. She kissed me.
I was melting that time. I don't know how to really react to that kiss. I just, couldn't believe it when after all we'd broke up for so long. Then the next second I felt like hugging her tightly, calling her name, and kissing her. I didn't. The kiss blew my mind out. I'd even asked her out again, like... be my date or something. She just smiled and didn't want to answer. I just smiled and continued to walk her to the front door. But I know, deep inside me was a little hurt.
I had waited with her for her dad to come pick her up. I hugged her, she still wasn't willing to hug me until now haha. Or she had her reason. Then I waved her goodbye and I walked away. I swear I saw her kiss-goodbye me. Or was it just an illusion. But I know she would miss me the moment I turned away, because i did the same.
I smiled the way home. I was really happy and joyed. Really happy. I only know, I won't have much days like this. It was wonderful I hardly ever imagined we could still be like this. And then I know, whatever will change, my heart will still be with her. That I loved her so much I thought of going back to Pavilion one day alone and go buy the things she said she wanted and gift them to her.
But I love her. That's the fact. And no matter what I'll still do.
Hmm so the hang-out went like this and pictures of it just keep running'round my mind, hahaha. Yeah definitely one of the best days in my life. God bless her to be happy always.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Drunk drunk drunk
Had I little alcohol and I'm a little drunk.
Don't know what's wrong with me today, the swell in my stomach hasn't gone away till now. Doesn't seems like it's getting away later neither. Of course there was this time where I feel good. When I chatted with her via SMS. She is cute, very cute. She is always cute no matter when it is.
But I know, what I really hope for is her to beside me, comfort me. I know I'm a little selfish but, haha forgive me God.
Dad and mom had some argument, guess that's the main reason why I feel so not well. Other reasons? Hmm... Frustration from exam, from where my music came to a jam. Ugh headache headache headache.
Soon Ee Jun if you were here... I would tell you I really need you, I really want you, I really miss you and I really love you.
If happy ever after did exist, I wish to be holding you in this.
Drunk drunk drunk drink drank drunk drunk hahaha I'm so stupid ;P
Don't know what's wrong with me today, the swell in my stomach hasn't gone away till now. Doesn't seems like it's getting away later neither. Of course there was this time where I feel good. When I chatted with her via SMS. She is cute, very cute. She is always cute no matter when it is.
But I know, what I really hope for is her to beside me, comfort me. I know I'm a little selfish but, haha forgive me God.
Dad and mom had some argument, guess that's the main reason why I feel so not well. Other reasons? Hmm... Frustration from exam, from where my music came to a jam. Ugh headache headache headache.
Soon Ee Jun if you were here... I would tell you I really need you, I really want you, I really miss you and I really love you.
If happy ever after did exist, I wish to be holding you in this.
Drunk drunk drunk drink drank drunk drunk hahaha I'm so stupid ;P
Monday, April 30, 2012
Missing you.
Been 3 days since I last see you and it's gonna be the fourth day, oh I miss you so much.;(
I'm so not going to write anything about study ;P they only spoil the blog haha
I've been so busy these days, co-co, exam, music, and stuffs like that. Feel as if my brain is going to explode. But the only moment, when I can relax, when I feel happy, the moment which I love, is the moment when I'm with you. We spent few days hanging out, talk about anything, and had some pleasure time at Starbucks ;)
It's only until then I realize I lost sleep a few night when I didn't talk with you on phone. Maybe your voice is just the cure for my insomnia hehe
Hmm... I love you ;-*
I'm so not going to write anything about study ;P they only spoil the blog haha
I've been so busy these days, co-co, exam, music, and stuffs like that. Feel as if my brain is going to explode. But the only moment, when I can relax, when I feel happy, the moment which I love, is the moment when I'm with you. We spent few days hanging out, talk about anything, and had some pleasure time at Starbucks ;)
It's only until then I realize I lost sleep a few night when I didn't talk with you on phone. Maybe your voice is just the cure for my insomnia hehe
Hmm... I love you ;-*
Friday, April 20, 2012
First post (?)
I restarted everything and wrote this new post.
Yeah I know I was the one who said blogging is a waste of time but I think I just find it interesting in few ways. I could do many things like designing a blog that suits me, write down important or just anything happened in my life so that when I grow up I would have these memories.
So hmm... the truth is I start to blog because of her. I miss her a lot.
Every day I just think about her, remembering what we used to have, what we used to do together, just how close were we.
No I was just too immature. Not mature enough to handle this love. I guess that's why we kept arguing after a long time of happiness.
What would you do if I tell you I'm mature enough now? I would tell you that I now am not same with the past, I know what is the right thing to do, what is the not-to-do, how I should be as a boyfriend. Then if i confess to you would you accept me?
Do you miss me like how I miss you everyday?
Do you tell me "I love you" in your heart like how I do?
She's the most wonderful person that I've ever met. I love her.
Yeah I know I was the one who said blogging is a waste of time but I think I just find it interesting in few ways. I could do many things like designing a blog that suits me, write down important or just anything happened in my life so that when I grow up I would have these memories.
So hmm... the truth is I start to blog because of her. I miss her a lot.
Every day I just think about her, remembering what we used to have, what we used to do together, just how close were we.
No I was just too immature. Not mature enough to handle this love. I guess that's why we kept arguing after a long time of happiness.
What would you do if I tell you I'm mature enough now? I would tell you that I now am not same with the past, I know what is the right thing to do, what is the not-to-do, how I should be as a boyfriend. Then if i confess to you would you accept me?
Do you miss me like how I miss you everyday?
Do you tell me "I love you" in your heart like how I do?
She's the most wonderful person that I've ever met. I love her.
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